Holiday Road or, “The Bologna Sandwich.”


It occurs to me that the quotes should be reversed in the title. Or maybe they should both be in quotes? Fuck it.

So last week, before everything went down w/ my friend, I was a little restless and I decided to have a beer and watch “National Lampoon’s Vacation” again for the howevermanyteenth time.

And it gets to the point where Clark W. Griswold (the once brilliant Chevy Chase) and his family are at the picnic site, and he’s trying to seduce Christy Brinkley with a bologna sandwich. And then they find out the dog whizzed on ’em and he spits it out and it’s like a sandwich based cock-block. But regardless, it got me to thinking that I hadn’t had a good, old fashioned bologna sandwich in a really, really long time. And before he found out about the pee, Mr. Chase sure seemed to be enjoying his.

Monday comes around, and I decide some comfort food is DEFINITELY in order. And I go to the cafeteria on the lot of the major studio I work for, and go to the deli counter. And I order a “bologna on white bread with cheese and a little lettuce.”

“That’s a really generic sandwich” is the response I get. But the customer is always right, so I get my mother-loving bologna.

And I go outside and find a spot, kind of in the sun, but mostly in the shade and I’m chopping on my sammich (which is DELICIOUS, by the way), and I notice a man coming towards the table next to me out of the corner of my eye. There’s already a girl sitting there, but there’s one side that’s TOTALLY in the sun, and he asks if he can sit down near here.

And I turn my head, still chewing my bologna.

And Chevy Chase turns and looks at me.

And we both turn back.

And all of a sudden, I’m pretty sure things are gonna be ok.

My friend gave me sympathy later on for having to sit near Chevy Chase, but I think he might have been joking.

The end.



7 thoughts on “Holiday Road or, “The Bologna Sandwich.”

  1. life is all a series of co-inkydinks… your bologna and Mr. Chevy reminded me of this….

    From the movie Repoman:

    Miller: A lot o’ people don’t realize what’s really going on. They view life as a bunch o’ unconnected incidents ‘n things. They don’t realize that there’s this, like, lattice o’ coincidence that lays on top o’ everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you’re thinkin’ about a plate o’ shrimp. Suddenly someone’ll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o’ shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin’ for one, either. It’s all part of a cosmic unconciousness.

    Otto: You eat a lot of acid, Miller, back in the hippie days?

    Miller: I’ll give you another instance: you know how everybody’s into weirdness right now?…

    So… did you pee on your sandwich and offer Chevy half?

  2. Amazingly bizarre yet perfect. I love LA.

    p.s. Next time make the bologna sandwich at home (w/o lettuce) and fry that puppy up.

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