Momento Mori.

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Just im’ing with a friend about another friend. And it occurred to me I hadn’t blogged in a bit and maybe I should. It’s been a big week.

For starters, the company I work for announced early in the week that it was going to cut 800 jobs, and quickly. I talked to some inside sources, and found out that it might not be such a bad gig if you could get it, so I was quietly kind of seeing what would happen. And then the cuts came. And I was spared. And I felt like I had lost, somehow. Like I had built that up in my mind to spur me into the next big step in my life. And I was kind of acting like a spoiled brat about it. Not to mention I was feeling a certain modicum of survivor’s guilt…

So when friday morning came I was actually feeling pretty ok about all THAT. And then my friend S. sent out an email saying he hadn’t heard from our friend Phil in a few days. Phil lives near me, so I volunteered to check on him on my way home. Another friend said they would do it in the afternoon, but I said “no, no. It’s on my way home. Don’t fret.”

Life, man. It’ll live you every time.

Now, at this point in my story, I’m torn with what to do with this blog. I want to give a play by play of what happened over the next two hours, but you guys don’t know Phil, and out of respect, I think I’ll stick to the Clif’s Notes version.

I knocked, no response. I tried the doorknob. Unlocked. Opened the door just long enough to know I should call 911.

And I’m kicking myself for all of the things I could’ve/should’ve/would’ve done. But Phil’s gone.

I spent the next 15 or so hours w/ my friends and I’m going to be seeing almost all of them tonight. No performance tonight. Just a celebration.

Phil was one of the sweetest, genuinely kindest people I ever met. He was also by far one of the funniest and naturally gifted actors I’ve ever had the pleasure of sharing a stage with. And he’s going to be missed.

If ANY of you ever hear me whining about ANYTHING ever again, you have permission to smack me. Seriously.

Love to all, big hugs.

m.h.

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6 thoughts on “Momento Mori.

  1. Usually, I steer clear of inspirational quotes and such, but there is one that came to me from someone who’s really smart. He said, “you can’t control other people or their reactions.” That even applies to psychics.

  2. when i lost a friend this past year to.. well what im assuming happened here, nothing anyone said to me helped. mostly because they had never gone through it. and now even though i have i dont know what to say to you. just know you too are loved by many people and if you ever need anyone to try to say the right thing to you, i’m totally willing to try.

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